Episode Two. Series Three

One now has wallpaper….

 but I mean, look at the state of it!  Who was this workman?

 Meanwhile, Mary is finding the new power shower hard to come to terms with.  I suppose it’s understandable after growing up with a pail of water in a freezing scullery
I’ve a suspicion she hankers after it still.  

And there are still things in the state-of-the-art kitchen the girl just cannot get to grips with.

Meanwhile, I was ignoring Lavinia’s bible-bashing boyfriend, Hamish, (the actor unfortunately had to be re-cast).  


who appeared to be oggling my wife’s legs, in the last series

“Crivens, Hen!”, exclaimed Hamish (for he is Scottish), “What‘s wrang with your auld Pa?!”

 “Oh, not sure if he’s gay or not.  That sort of thing.”, Lavinia yawned.

 “Jings!  Me auld man wis jest the same!  Until Ma beat it out of him, you ken?”

“Mind you”, Hamish added, “I can’t see your auld lady doing that!”

“Only if he took her Gin away”, Lav giggled,

“Now come to bed”
“Naw, lassie.  I’m away to me bible”
And he gently closed the door.

Meanwhile, I explained my misgivings to Lord Posh

   About my suspicions with this bible chap and Marjorie.
He was quite unhelpful.  Didn’t all wives sleep with other people then?  His did.  Anyway, he had his mind on other things, mainly, Mary over our new kitchen sink. 

  Impatient to give Mary a good seeing-to, he tossed me his toasting fork to “give the blighter what for!”
I don’t know why I bothered! 

 Then the next morning, there appeared to be the most extraordinary animal noises coming from upstairs.  Our bedroom, in fact!

I bounded up those stairs, determined to confront them once and for all!

 “What the blazes is going on
here?!”, I demanded throwing our new door open

Phew!  This pilates lark is exhausting, Mr A!”
Hamish puffed.
Well, I spluttered like a fool, as Hamish explained his concern about Marjorie’s bad knee, that he happened to notice one evening.  (So that would explain it!)  
I crept back downstairs, and sheepishly read my paper

 “Now, Mrs A“, Hamish pronounced once they were alone, “for the last part of our daily fitness regime!”
“My favourite bit!”, giggled Marjorie

‘pon my word,” I said to Mary at cake time, as the ceiling shook, “That particular exercise must be very strenuous indeed!”
But why did Mary giggle like that?
 “And what bad knee!”
Will Paul discover the truth about the awful Hamish?  Will he confound the young Scot by reporting him to Vicar college?
Tune in same time, same channel.  Don’t touch that dial!


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