Oh yes, one of the rituals of Yuletide is wrapping presents. Finding this an oddly joyless task, I just had to republish this wonderful humorous piece by Sharron Green from 2022.
Talented poet and one third Booming Lovely, Sharron sums up this frustrating caper so well. Do read on…
Gift Gaffe
Sellotape and wrapping paper one the glue,the other draper, send me on a merry caper every Christmas Eve.
Sellotape is always hiding, often stunted, never gliding, won’t respond to threats or chiding, highly prone to cleave.
Wrapping paper does my head in, sometimes gifts won’t be seen dead in shapes that gape they look unfed in – Shame you won’t believe!
So it’s just as well this season, poor performance isn’t treason, saving paper is the reason, there’s wrapping reprieve.
rhymes_n_roses 2022
Wasn’t that a marvellous piece?! How many of us have been ‘tied up’ this way?! Thank you so much, Sharron. More please!
Thanks for tuning in, PL’s. Happy wrapping. We’ll be back with more Christmas action real soon….
Welcome back to the Talk Show Studio (ecstatic applause)
Now settle down, PL’s, because we know who’s coming, don’t we?! (Great cheers)
Yes, indeed, it’s the wonderful and enigmatic and unique Wendy Young!!!
(Standing ovation. Security cut their fag break short!)
Welcome to the show, Wendy! So lovely to have you with us!
Adore that white crocheted suit! You’ve been up Chelsea Girl again, haven’t you?!
Thank you and glad to be asked!
And actually, it’s from Snob!
Adore Snob, especially their bags.
Fill us in on your background, Wendy. When did poetry become part of your life?
Early 2000s when not sure what course to do (yes I could write a book on ‘Courses I have done’) after attending a creative writing course at the City Lit.
Julia Casterton led a Summer School and it was the key to unlocking something inside. I guess the catatonic episodes of a poem just erupting in a frustrated situation e.g. a trip to a certain town and working in a busy public sector office began to merge/fashion into poetry. I would describe it as being ‘struck with a thunderbolt and woken up’.
What a powerful description, Wendy. And its certainly worked for you.
Who have been your biggest influences?
Influences? As above – frustration/Julia Casterton/Billy Childish jump to mind.
Adore Billy Childish. So tell us about Passing for Human, your poetry album. Such an innovative concept
Passing for Human came about after meeting Ivan on a Covid project with Disability Arts Online when we took part in a workshop writing poetry about our experience/we recorded it and Ivan added music.
Ivan suggested we record a poem or two (which is what I have always wanted to do) and then realised we could do an album.
So over the Summer/avoiding train strikes/travelling to Hertfordshire to Ivan’s synth/keyboard/ haven – we did it!
Amazing, Wendy. Your hard work really paid off.
I can thoroughly recommend Passing for Human, Poetry Lovers. A clever combination of spoken word and poetry.
Okay, (Sweeps everything off the desk. Audience gasp in anticipation)
What is the best poetry gig you’ve ever done? And the Worst?!
Worst gig? To be honest – I don’t look at it like that. I learn something from everything (well it’s how I cope anyway!).
Though I have had experiences e.g Poetry Cafe when I was booked on strength of the previous event and I was advised not to ‘be all going into myself’ ?? I think he meant be bold and perform as before and I only got a fiver as opposed to £15 last time ha ha?
I have had quite a few odd experiences but don’t really wish to go into it.
Best gig? ‘I’ve had a few’ so it’s hard to choose – Lyric Studio with Colin Hambrook as part of Joy Festival is up there though and anywhere I get a good response from the audience – whether it be small or large.
They sound great experiences. I hope you didn’t spend that fiver all at once! Cheek of it!
So what are you up to tonight? You go to great clubs. Are you seeing a band?
Actually Heather, my new suit’s coming unravelled. I think I’d better get home and re-crochet!!
Lumme! I can see that. You really are unravelling! Get a car round, quick!
Thank you so much for coming on the show, you’ve been a fascinating guest
(Standing ovation from the audience as our guest cautiously ascends the lighted stairs)
Wasn’t Wendy an amazing guest?!
Please listen out for her radio show The Free O’clock Show on K2K radio 2.30 till 5.30 on Fridays. A real joy!
Thanks for visiting the Talk Show Studio, Poetry Lovers. We have many more fascinating interviews lined up and we’ll be back with more poetry action real soon……
Today we have a review of a Poetry Album. A unique collection Passing for Human by Wendy Young and Ivan Riches. Spoken word and wonderful music. I’ve given it a hot review below.
Sadly, this collection can’t fit in the Poetry Basket. I tried to get the LP from Woolworths but….so I’ve got with it and downloaded this marvellous creation. You have to understand how modern this is for me! What a wonderful conception! Has this been invented long?!
Please read on…
Passing for Human
Produced by miserywithoomph and IR
Passing for Human is an innovative move, taking us on an enigmatic journey of poetry and music. Please don’t think this is a concept album, as there are many versatile and variations of forms and messages involved. Intense, profound and at times, hilarious, this is spoken word by Wendy Young and a skilled soundtrack by Ivan Riches.
Opening up to the very visual short piece Right to Bite, and a wistful picture of the ocean, followed by the cleverly structured My Voice, read by Young against the background of a tense drum beat. This enhances a piece that already has a great pace. Unravelling against haunting keyboards by Riches.
Little Grape is heavier, and disturbing with an underlying synthesiser and sensitive drumbeat to Young’s surreal and enticing words that have amazingly detailed descriptions of the body.
By Hecklectic (I wanna wanna be), not a Spice Girls cover but a personal favourite – wistful, covetous and versatile wit in a unique voice. The poet wants to be these things but they’re never desired in a maudlin way. Only delivered with razored envy, irony and wry humour. By this point, we are absorbed in the poet’s versatile range.
If I could Fly, with Riches’s studied musical backing, the poet’s singing voice is soothing and natural. The accompanist only enhances, never dominates. Intelligently thought out.
Between Two Rooms, another favourite, should be grim but on the contrary, it is a poignant and revealing picture of the beautiful Welsh actress Rachel Roberts. A vibrant account of Roberts’ descent into alcoholism and self-destruction. This is told with dialogue and tenderness. A disturbing insight to this talented yet troubled star who took her own life. The poet takes us smoothly to this screen icon’s troubled depths. Deep words that stay with the listener, and never an uncomfortable experience. Great guitar playing by Willem Riches.
Entrailpreneur creeps up on the listener with graphic detail, and Riches’ sensitive keyboard tones blend smoothly into Sorry Waltz. Full of uncomfortable true words on the term Sorry. One we have all heard and will keep hearing.
Picture House, a real established favourite of mine, has a classy built up introduction. The words so vivid, transporting us back to those tawdry yet revered fleapits while hosting Ursula Andress on the big screen. Cinema staples of Poppets, fag smoke, ashtrays and velvet seats wash over us. Most poignant of all is Mum sitting there in that golden era of a double bill. Young makes us see our own mothers in that exact same place.
I do a job I hate (after Billy Childish) is delightfully jagged. Sharp rhyming with Riches’ haunting accompaniment. The sad tones are sharp and clear with the effective music excelling the profoundness of the words, with a precise fadeout. After the reflective title track, Obit is extraordinarily read and fitting for a great and abrupt ending.
Cover photography and field recording on Obit by miserywithoomph. Field recording on By Hecklectic and Venus in a time of COVID by Simon Purins.
Released by Bandcamp and issued on 1st November, treat yourselves to a new stylus and leave the arm off the record player so you can listen to this enigmatic album repeatedly. Really worth doing. Click the link below https://miserywithoomph.bandcamp.com/album/passing-for-human
Thanks for tuning in and reading, PL’s. We’ll be back with more poetry action real soon…..
Today’s subject is about one of those frustrating things in life, especially this time of year, TheQueue. Or rather how many times we misjudge these things in life.
Clever poet Trisha Broomfield has captured the injustice of this beautifully. Written in clever couplets, this piece will ring painfully true with all of us. Do read on …
Queue Two
I’ve bought more than I’d planned, my basket weighty I look around and choose the shortest queue
everyone else has piled their trollies high all stuffed with Christmas fayre anew
chocolates, mince pies and wine by the case I glance at my haul, spuds, parsnips, leeks, just two
the man in front of me returns a light bulb bayonet, he wants to swap it for a screw
trollies pass GO, pack their wares, wheel out I now feel the need to go to the loo
isn’t it always the way, I’ve been here ages my shopping behaviour I will have to review
in future I will definitely think twice about choosing the shortest queue.
Trisha Broomfield 2024
So, PL’s, how many recognised ourselves in this piece?! Nearly everyone, I bet. Thank you so much, Trisha, for summing up this inner fury. I hope you got served in the end.
Trisha’s wonderful new collection Acrostic Mother is out on Amazon. Treat yourselves.
Thanks for tuning in, PL’s. We’ll be back with more poetry action real soon…..
Welcome back to the talk show studio! (Rapturous applause from the audience)
Today we have the honour of the vibrant poet, Anna Somerset being our guest. (Audience get excited).
Now you lot settle down, because here is Anna Somerset now !!
(Our esteemed guest wafts elegantly down the lighted stairs).
Anna! Welcome to the show. So pleased you’ve agreed to be our special guest! And I LOVE your dress!
Thanks Heather! Honoured to be in your boudoir, reading old copies of Bunty!
Oh yes! I have plenty of them here. Plus Judy and Mandy.
Do take a seat. You don’t mind if I eat this cake, do you?
When did poetry become a part of your life, Anna?
My parents were both visual artists, but decided to make me right-handed which seemed to nip any talent for that in the bud.
I enjoyed writing poetry at infants school, and studied poetry in French and German at university and had a wonderfully inspiring work colleague and poet, Anna Stearman in my 30s, but I was directly called to verse myself after the unexpected and tragic death of a friend in my late forties.
Poems kept arriving fully formed at 4am. A working Mum & stepmum, supporting my mother with my Dad’s dementia and after his death, caring for Mum, kept the poetry a modest trickle for a number of years.
I came across Survivors Poetry by chance in 2016. Debbie, Keith and the gang were a revelation, and from Survivors Jason Why encouraged me to darken the doors of Paper Tiger poetry in 2018.
Since then it has become a healthy addiction and escalated to other places where I have been lucky enough to do feature slots.
What a journey you have had, Anna. And I hear Survivors Poetry is wonderful.
Who were your biggest influences?
I am lucky enough to have found Greenwich Poetry Workshop, run by Doreen Hinchcliffe and every Thursday do a poetry masterclass, which exposes me to poets I wouldn’t otherwise have encountered together with kind and helpful criticism.
I did an excellent workshop with Vanessa Lampert which inspired a new poem in a completely different style.
I love the energy of the performance poets I see regularly – Steve Tasane, Richard Allen, the irrepressible Lee Campbell and you, Pip Macdonald and PoetryBird Heather.
It has been wonderful to see people grow as poets – Ian Preznansky and Rachel Tansy Chadwick for example.
Shelley is a favourite – To a Skylark fills me with joy and the Mask of Anarchy resonates still. I prefer D H Lawrence’s poems to his nvels. I find Lorca spell-binding, but sadly only in translation. Goethe and Heine enchant me, as does Rilke. Benjamin Zepheniah was a shining light of wonder whom I was lucky enough to hear in person. I would love to have heard the amazing Maya Angelou. I loved seeing Toria Garbutt, whose performance at Morecambe Poetry Festival was extraordinarily moving. Liz Berry is someone I will be seeing in person soon.
Aw! Blush! Thank you.
What impressive influences, and I know Vanessa Lampert. Wonderful poet.
Tell us how From the Doggerlanders came about
And are you working on anything at the moment?
This, my first collection, came together thanks to the grim days of Lockdown. I became properly aware of England’s Atlantis, Doggerland and had the time to research it. It struck me how fragile the world is and how it has always been in a state of flux.
The collection is like the Woolworth’s pick a mix of my youth. Lots of different stuff – from the first poems I wrote in the wake of the death of my friend, Jean-Claude to some angry political stuff, to constantly being fatshamed and some humorous observations about being a carer.
Working with gifted renaissance man Keith Bray on the editing of my work was an absolute delight.
I am most of the way through a second collection, A State of Catlessness, which again covers lots of different themes, and is funny as well as serious.
Fantastic, I really look forward to reading that. The title alone is right up my street!
With your stunning detailed words, it will be excellent. And yes, Keith is great, isn’t he.
Now, (sweeps everything off the desk, audience gasp) What’s the best gig you’ve ever done and the Worst?!
My most recent feature spot at Talking Rhythm was an absolute delight. I love the mixture of music and poetry. Performing alongside excellent fellow poets is constantly a huge thrill.
I loved the energy of the first Play on Words, Lee Campbell’s Aurelia Studios Poetry Night that I went to, and am really excited to be doing a feature slot there in November.
The New Poetry Shack has a cool vibe and Paper Tiger is enchanting. Was thrilled to run away to Morecambe poetry festival and stalk you! I love the painting Keith Bray did of me….
And the worst?!! There haven’t been bad poetry gigs.
A couple of decades ago I was Widow Twankey in a touring production of Aladdin. We had three shows a day and had to drive the minibus and put up the scenery.
Little boys would lift up my skirt; Abanazar stank, we ran out of 50p’s for the electric meter and one day whilst we were playing bingo in an attempt to keep warm between shows, the minibus was broken into and my make up bag nicked…. that was a bad gig!!
Oh my word, Anna! That sounded like something out of Mike Leigh!
You could write a collection on that alone! What an experience!
That is a beautiful painting. Something to be treasured. Very talented artist.
So, what you doing tonight? Off to Poetry?
SSh! I can clearly see Dobby’s asleep on your lap there. Perhaps it’s best I tiptoe out now.
Excellent idea, Anna. So see you in Morecambe in September!
Er – well… (our esteemed guest looks shamefaced)
You’re taking Dobby instead, aren’t you?! Oh don’t worry, I’m used to getting the elbow for Dobby! (Puts on a brave face)
Yes, well, must get along to Paper Tiger Poetry now! Bye!!!
(Our esteemed guest legs it up the lighted stairs)
(Ecstatic applause)
Wasn’t Anna the most wonderful and glamorous guest?! Really look out for her new collection. It’s marvellous!
For a real treat, and to purchase From The Doggerlanders, click on http://londonpoets.com
Thanks for visiting the talk show studio, Poetry Lovers. We’ll be back real soon….
Now, any cat lover worth their salt, knows how a cat always gets their own way – with only rare exceptions.
And clever and wonderful poet Trisha Broomfield has had the genius concept of what would unfold in a cat’s board game! (Or Bored game, depending on their mood).
This is a fantastic game, unjust for humans but ideal for our furry friends, and should be marketed immediately at John Lewis and such top notch stores. Order now for Christmas but think twice before you throw that dice!
Read these rules immediately …..
Cat-opoly The Rules
1) A cat gets the top hat, any owner, the old boot
(both of these icons have been replaced by rubber ducks and penguins)
2) Players must throw a six to start, except for cats who may miaow loudly for instant access.
3) The banker is always a cat.
4) Properties: Park Lane is already owned by an absentee landlord, who happens to be a cat. Rent applies to anyone landing here and must be paid in Dreamies, number to be negotiated.
5) Any player may purchase Piccadilly provided they have a close relative who is a cat.
6) Water Works is owned by a consortium of cats, all of whom only drink from the toilet.
7) Cats’ Chest cards all fall in a cat’s favour.
8) Cats’ Chance; cats have nine chances, unlimited access to any road and free parking.
9) Cats may visit an owner in jail but may walk free at any time.
10) An owner may purchase Old Kent Road and build houses, but any cat may move in rent free.
11) Income Tax does not apply to cats
12) Owners may purchase Marylebone but must visit Java Whiskers Cat Café.
13) Any fines will be paid in bites and scratches, the severity of which may be reduced on receipt of Dreamies.
14) Payment on passing GO will be forwarded to The Cat’s Protection Racket * overseen by battle scarred tuxedo cats.
15) The winner; the winner is always a cat.
The Cat’s Protection Racket is not affiliated in any way to the charity, Cat’s Protection *
Don’t tell me. You lost, didn’t you?! How could our cats not win?!
What a great game. Thank you so much Trisha for letting me loose on my favourite subject. More please.
Thanks for playing, PL’s. We’ll be back with the next round real soon…..
I can clearly recall loving Trisha Broomfield’s poetry at Cranleigh Arts Centre (and admiring her floaty trousers)
Then having the delight of meeting Sharron Green in that very same venue
How optimistic we were sitting together that night in early 2020, knowing we were in for a good year….er…..
Well, anyone can make a mistake! So fast forward to September 2022 at the Willoughby Arms, Kingston for a great poetry night to raise money for the Ukraine.
The three of us finally united to read together. Then the wonderful Anne Warrington came up with a great name for us!
So after that night, we never looked back. Many frequent trips to Sharron’s house in 2023 for cake – I mean, rehearsal. And then…
there we were performing at the Guildford Fringe 2023. These were followed by gigs at Cranleigh and the Guildford Institute. We had love and support from our loved ones.. sort of.
Before we knew it, we had a very successful gig in Soho at the vibrant Spice of Life pub…
Thanks for tuning in, Poetry Lovers. The second instalment will be going to press real soon. Put an order in with your newsagent right now!
Heather Moulson 