Today, as part of the Household series, I thought I’d have a go at the washing machine.
This is a little unjust really as it normally is a loyal member of your house.
However, I find it very controlling and I still bear a grudge about that horrible noisy Hotpoint twin tub my Mum used to have. It’s vibration rocking the whole house when I was trying to watch Blue Peter!
I could go on but I won’t. Instead I’ve tried to sum it up in the following piece. Read on
The thing with a washing machine is
The thing is with washing machines
Is you become intimate very quickly
It handles your smalls and underclothes
And stains embarrassing and sticky
It sounds reassuring and smooth
Not like your childhood family kitchen
With that evil and noisy Hotpoint twin tub
An obnoxious force and imposition
But it does have its own magic powers
And make your socks disappear
Maim expensive and loved garments
The price of indifference severe
So treat it with love and respect
Just the right amount of detergent
It wants to be part of your household
But not just a mechanical servant
HM 2025
I hope this resonated with you, PL’s. Stay tuned, we’ll be back with more poetry action real soon….
For this post, I thought I’d feature things that are around us. These are usually domestic appliances and household goods, which I thought could be rich pickings.
These items come across as impersonal and yet they’re not. They become a part of us, and sweep up and clean our anguishes and emotions.
Anyway, I’ve picked on the dishwasher on this occasion. Do read on
The Thing with dishwashers is
Your plates reek of rinse aid
To them on a par with Kool-aid
your chinaware is sautéed
You don’t feel in control
your homeware losing its soul
Especially your dessert bowls
But no more scrubbing with suds
While wearing cheap rubber gloves
making you resentful yet smug
Consider your poor fading china
Vital to any kind of diner
Supermarket bought, not designer
Glasses discoloured and faded
The heart of your house invaded
You feel naked and violated
And you’re still scrubbing larger pans
Ruining your once girlish hands
Ironically only the dishwasher understands
HM 2025
I hope you liked that, PL’s. All domestic poems are welcome. A piece on the washing machine perhaps, or that dustpan and brush!
Thanks for tuning in, Poetry Lovers. We’ll be back with more poetry action real soon….
Now who has missed our pets dreadfully when we have gone on a trip?! Everyone, I bet.
Lovely poet Trisha Broomfield has had such a recent experience, flying off to the states and longing to take her beautiful cat Perry with her. I myself have yearned to take Dobby in my suitcase too.
This piece by Trisha sums up our feelings beautifully. Read on, it’s a really lovely and wistful poem
Oh Cat
Oh cat, I know you would have packed your bag,
Champagne is free, you could have drunk your fill
Up here you’re not allowed to smoke that fag,
You’d have expected me to foot the bill
In my daydreams cat you’re right here with Me
Peering out of the window at the sky
White whiskers twitching, ears on high alert
We’re higher than any birds can fly
I’ll check with British Airways, it can’t harm
They may allow a cool cat like yourself
Perhaps pretend you’re fur around my arm
I’d stow you with my flight bag on the shelf
When I return I’ll tell you of my trip
Into my luggage next time you can slip
Sonnet 20.5.25 Trisha Broomfield
Wasn’t that a terrific piece?! I was virtually on that plane with Dobby reading that! Thank you, Trisha. I’m so glad you had a good trip, with or without a feline companion.
Thanks for tuning in, PL’s. We’ll be back with more poetry action real soon…..
Yes, you should be excited! Because our guest today is the talented and enigmatic Cheryl Mclennan!
(Standing ovation as our esteemed poet descends the lighted staircase)
Welcome to the show, Cheryl. So happy you could join us.
(Audience cheer. Security on standby)
Hey Heather.
Great to be here with you on this sunny day, yes I’d love a cuppa, thanks, just give the tea bag a quick wiggle, a chocolate biscuit? mmmmm.
Oh look out here comes the Dobby.
Oi, Dobby! Leave Cheryl’s tea alone!
So lovely to have you here, Cheryl.
Please fill us in on your background
A bit of background, as a young person my education was severely disrupted because I spent a lot of time in hospital and was also coping with many other issues too.
I was relentlessly bullied at school for being so tall but somehow I managed to muddle through, often playing the role of the class clown to survive, which did me no favours other than perhaps to give me some confidence towards performing.
I always loved drama, reading and storytelling and often bagged the lead role in plays, either that or the rear end of an extremely long legged and wonky horse.
The request I most dreaded was “Cheryl would you like to play the part of a lovely tall tree” it was obviously me, my legs bound in some itchy crepe paper and my body wrapped up like a burst pipe, in a pair of someones old musty green curtains, also wearing an oversized headdress, made from straws, covered coathangers and the likes, not the best look, when you’re 6 Feet tall, and also expected to sway dramatically from side to side in an imaginary storm. Honestly, really.. huh, and no lines to boot!
Awful, isn’t it. I’ve seen tall girls get a lot of flack! And a raw deal!
At least it opened doors for you later on, but it must have been miserable at the time.
I’ve done loads of courses, including creative and script writing, tv and video production, some media studies, this alongside working in mental health and many other community projects, in-between spending further time in hospital having hip replacements, revisions and revisions of the revisions.
Oh Cheryl, I’m so sorry you had to go through these things. I hope recovery is on the cards.
Otherwise, you’ve been incredibly prolific. A great learning ground.
Who were your biggest influences?
Some influences were Spike Milligan..Arlo and Woody Guthrie..Bob Dylan.. leonard Cohen.. Stevie Smith.. Joni Mitchell and Tracey Chapman, The Liverpool poets and John Cooper Clarke.. but also, importantly was the influence of the poets I met, wrote and performed with.
Poetry and performing came alive for me much later in life, I was too busy just trying to get by.
I was so lucky to meet Murray Shelmadine and others on a Birbeck creative writing course at Jacksons Lane Community and Arts center.
Murray suggested once the course finished that we all could meet at Queens Wood Cafe which had been restored by himself and Wanjuku, who is sadly no longer with us.
We met once a week for ten years or so and established Queens Wood Writers and publishers, published anthologies of our short stories, and ran a brilliant monthly poetry and music night, hosted by Alan Wolfson.
This is when and where I gained full confidence to perform and to wing my words out there as a working class woman. I was always encouraged by other poets, it was fun and inclusive, a happy and creative time.
My first gig was at Bang Said The Gun. I was part of Rrrrants Collective ( Paul Eccentric) The Anti Poets. Paul hosted some brilliant nights, again this opened up lots of opportunities and experience for me, there were so many excellent spoken word nights and I featured at many of them.
At this time Rrrrants published my CD [AHEM] my work was included in several anthologies and I also contributed to podcasts.
I have dipped in and out of comedy, I was able to flip my poetry. One of the best nights was at the comedy cafe in Shoreditch. It was a large, friendly young crowd, who started laughing before I started my set, which made me nervous, but it went down a storm, even though I say so myself, and why not?
Ah Jacksons Lane! Such memories!
Bang Said The Gun is supposed to be terrific. I wish I’d been there. And you have a CD?! I would love to get a copy.
(A ripple of agreement from the audience)
Are you working on anything at the moment?
After much procrastination I’ve finally finished my book, and hope it will be published in October.
I’m currently writing short stories and poetry, and wibble myself out on my tricky hips now and then to poetry nights..yay!
Oh I want to get my hands on that! (Audience cheer in agreement)
Now, (sweeps everything off the desk. Audience gasp nervously)
What’s the best gig you’ve ever done? And the Worst?!
As for the best poetry night, I can’t really say I just went with the flow and had a great time.
The worst ever gig was in Brockwell Park, it was a seriously hot day, the late Jazzman John was there bouncing as usual his wonderful Beat poetry, with myself and others, we were close to a noisy generator, tons of stalls, a miniature ferris wheel, screaming kids, llamas, sheep and chickens, honestly it was crazy
Our audience consisted of one restless pigeon and a small child crying while holding a melting ice cream, the mic stand fell over, the next act who were musicians came onto the make do stage while I was reading a poem about Sherbert Lemons and started setting up their equipment and even did a soundcheck, it was absolute chaos.
Oh Cheryl, what a nightmare! The way artists are treated! A real learning curve.
Well, Cheryl, I could talk to you all day. Thank you for being such a great guest
(rapturous applause)
Thanks Heather, it’s been great, I’ve had a right smashing time.
Quite literally, as Dobby’s just knocked over your cup!
So what are you up to tonight, Cheryl?
The Poetry Shack disco? Jack Shamash seemed up for that. I’ll just change into my platforms…
(Our esteemed guest shuffles awkwardly)
Oh, I get it! You’re taking Dobby, aren’t you?! That’s why she’s lurking round!
Well – er – we’ll see you around.
Quick, Dobby!
(The pair leg it fast to rapturous applause)
Oh don’t worry, I prefer a night in with Softly Softly anyway!
Wasn’t Cheryl a fabulous guest, PL’s ?! We look forward to reading her new book.
(huge huge applause).
Thanks for dropping by the talk show studio, Poetry Lovers. We’ll be back with more poetry action real soon….
Hello and Welcome back to the talk show studio, Poetry Lovers.
(Ecstatic applause from audience)
Yes, you should be excited as today our special guest is witty and prolific poet Heather Sullivan.
(Our esteemed guest glides on elegantly to a standing ovation)
Welcome to the show, Heather. So nice to have another Heather here.
Please fill us in on your background.
Pleasure to be here.
I was born in Southeast London and still live there. I’ve been writing poetry for years probably since I was about 7.
I always had a wicked sense of humour and used to get into trouble at school a lot for not concentrating and messing around far too much!
I worked in the Cloakroom at the Marquee club in Wardour Street in the late 70’s, meeting lots of soon-to-be famous people who in those days were starting out, such as the Jam, the Police, David Bowie, Sex Pistols and AC/DC.
We used to get lots of backstage passes from the record company execs which was great fun for places like Hammersmith Odeon and then going to school the next day.
I worked at Goldsmiths College in the 80’s and used to hang out with all the students and go to all the social events. My sister Nicky and I did a double act called Office Girls Go Crazy and we got quite a few gigs at Goldsmiths doing silly poetry and we supported John Cooper Clarke and the Flying Pickets.
I also did some solo gigs and went to the local pub the New Cross Tavern where there was a variety night put on by Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, who were not very well known at that time. The first time I did a spot, Vic Reeves introduced me as ‘a lovely lady who is going to sing to you all!’ Little did he know!
I also used to perform at the infamous Tunnel Club in Greenwich SE10 doing the Open Mic spots every Sunday as you got in for free. I shared the stage with people like Jenny Éclair, Jo Brand, Rory Bremner and Harry Enfield who were all starting out in comedy at the time.
It was a very rough crowd who thought nothing of throwing bottles and chairs at you and was run by the late Malcolm Hardee, the comedy genius of Greenwich, who along with 2 friends did the naked Balloon Dance.
Oh, I’ve been there! I remember that famous balloon routine! Malcolm Hardee, so enigmatic!
And the Marquee! Swoon! Memories of the early 80s flood back!
What a background, Heather! (Audience cheer in agreement)
So when did poetry become a part of your life?
As well as loving comedy, I also used to love Pam Ayres when I was younger and started writing a lot of comedy poems which had a bit of a smuttiness about them and always went down well with audiences.
I did my own show at the Edinburgh Festival around 2002 for 3 days which was great fun. I went to see the American comedian Emo Phillips at the Pleasance with Nicky while we were there and I was wearing a t-shirt with a rude picture advertising my show.
As we were in the front row, he picked on me and we had great banter, ending up with him saying he was tired and invited me onto the stage to do 5 minutes while he sat in my seat and had a break!
That was an amazing experience doing some comedy poetry in front of about 500+ people and Emo was laughing his head off.
In the late 90’s I was working at the Royal Army Medical College in Pimlico and a stray cat I was feeding turned out to be the missing Downing Street cat called Humphrey while John Major was Prime Minister.
I got invited onto L!ve TV cable television who had seen me on BBC1 and ITV news and I was interviewed about finding Humphrey.
While at the front desk I saw an advert for Stand-Up L!ve, their live comedy show looking for comedians so of course I took the number, called them and did my first live tv gig in front of an audience and they kept inviting me back as the comedy poetry got them all laughing!
Since then, I have done lots of poetry gigs all over London, Edinburgh, Brighton, Dublin and some of them at comedy clubs.
My mum who sadly passed away last year used to go to a creative writing class and always used to nag me to write serious poetry and not smutty, silly poems.
On the odd occasion I ran a new poem by her, she would say get me a pen and would start editing them!
Pam Ayres, Spike Milligan and John Hegley.
The best mentor of all. Don’t you miss them?!
Humphrey the Downing Street cat?! Emo Philips?! I keep swooning here, Heather.
Are you working on anything at the moment?
Yes, I am working on a book which is in its final stages and called ‘Stop Looking at my ……!’ named after one of my poems.
After doing the afternoon and late-night open mics at the Morecambe Poetry Festival last year with 3 other friends (Heather Moulson, Sharron Green and Anna Somerset), we have been offered our own show there this year which we are really looking forward to.
I know! It’ll be wonderful.
Can’t wait to get hold of that book!
What’s the best gig you’ve ever done – and the worst?!
Probably the best gig was entering a Hammer and Tongue poetry slam at Edinburgh Festival a few years back and competing against lots of serious poets and I got the highest scores and won and went forward to the finals at the Royal Albert Hall.
That’s so impressive!
(Audience cheer in agreement)
And the Worst?
I think it was an open mic comedy and music night a few years ago in Greenwich where the audience were not listening to any of the acts and just talking all the way through.
When I went to the loo afterwards there was the most enormous steaming puddle of vomit by the one loo, so I had to drive home crossing my legs!
2025
So far this year I have done a few longer spots of 10 – 15+ minutes which has been great as when you just do a short spot of 5 minutes its not really long enough.
Looking forward to getting my book published as lots of people ask me if I have a book as they would love to buy it.
Oh that is so grim!! Aren’t pub loos horrible?!
Yes, it’s great being featured, isn’t it. You can really open up and draw the audience in.
Well, thank you Heather for being a fascinating guest. (Cheers from the audience)
I have loved talking to you.
Now, I see you’ve brought Max with you, and he’s just gone off with Dobby!
Have you made plans for tonight?
I have now, Heather. I’ve got to find Max and prise him away from Dobby! See you at Morecambe!
(Our esteemed guest runs up the lighted stairs calling for Max)
They won’t have got far.
Wasn’t Heather Sullivan a fascinating guest?! And what a background! (Audience cheer)
As the lovely poet says, we have our own solo features at Morecambe Poetry Festival in September. This is us with Lemn Sissay last year at Lancaster station.
Thanks for tuning in, PL’s. We’ll be back with more poetry action real soon…..
Now, hands up who has been the recipient of the Round Robin email/letter! Or even wrote one themselves!
Despite treating them with disdain, I’ve always had an urge to compose one myself – possibly a spoof one. So proud of Son’s first ASBO, my sentence non-custodial, that sort of thing.
Sophie Hannah, the marvellous and prolific writer and poet, has written a corker piece on this subject. From her collection Pessimism for Beginners, this is Round Robin . Read on, it’s fabulous.
Round Robin
Dear Distant Friends,
Surprisingly we’ve still got your addresses,
So here’s a list of all our latest triumphs and successes.
This year we’ve been as busy as a family of beavers
(Though they’re just furry animals, while we are high achievers).
We’ve bought a big new house (my wife corrects me – it’s a mansion).
Emily’s verses won a prize for prosody and scansion.
Timothy got his partnership and Claire her PhD
Which all reflects extremely well on Dorothy and me.
Our trips abroad (for which we didn’t even have to save)
Prove that we’re cosmopolitan, cultured and fit, and brave:
Kilimanjaro, Venice, San Francisco and Belize.
(Sorry if you can only dream of holidays like these!)
We’re thinking of you, humble friends, in terrace/semi/hovel.
We’ll be in touch this time next year, but only if you grovel
And say you wish that you were us so much it makes you sick.
Happy New Year to all of you!
Love, Dorothy and Mick
Isn’t it marvellous?! (Appreciate its the wrong time of year). I think we should all get writing one, so jump on that typewriter now!
Thanks for tuning in, PL’s. We’ll be back with more poetry action real soon…
Heather Moulson 