That night, while our household slept fitfully, there was a menacing shadow across our happy home.  

 Mary, aroused from her sick bed, began to fear the worst. Cold and alone, (Alistair tactfully moving out),  she bravely crept up to our sleeping chamber:

“Master Paul!  I beg you to wake!”

“Now Mary”, I said groggily, “We don’t really do that sort of thing anymore.  I mean, I’m sorry about Alistair tearing off with that blonde girl but…”

No!  Sir!  I fear there is an intruder!”

“Oh Thank God for that!  I thought that me and you….”

“Please Sir!  I urge you to do something…”

     I sent Mary out to the Police station while I worked on my new act.  

Marjorie had gone to the bathroom when suddenly….

the intruder enters (Ken from next door):
“He’s mine, you know!  He’s not yours!”

Marjorie screams


“You can have him!  Now just 
Fuck off!”

“But you tried to take him away
from me – Bitch!”


Marjorie quaked with terror.  There was no reasoning with this madman.

He raised his spatula 
menacingly.  Marjorie
truly thought her number was up.

Only it wasn’t:

I burst in just at the right time, and managed to overpower the tiresome bugger!  (You didn’t really think I’d be working on my act, did you?).  

Soon he was led away by a law-abiding caped crusader :

“Bah!”, Ken spat menacingly, “I would have got away with it too!  If it hadn’t been for that pesky Paul!”

 Once the nightmare was over, I said to my wife: 
“You see, Marjorie, things could be so much worse.”

“Yes, Paul”, she sighed.  

We wouldn’t be getting any more sleep that night.

Does Marjorie really think things could be so much worse?  Or is she just keeping up appearances?  

Don’t miss Episode Seven, same time, same channel

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