Meanwhile, Lavinia did not take Alistair’s ill-timed flight very well….

 “Goodbye, Cruel World!”, she sobs

Fortunately, Mary made a timely entry:

 “Oh Miss Lav!  Please don’t!  Get up at once!  He’s not worth it!  Besides, that thing hasn’t been connected for years!”

Lavinia, despite her sleepy state, acknowledged that that was why the maid’s cakes were so dodgy!  

   The two young women took solace in each other’s loss, and wept:

“What about his promise to me, Miss Lav?!”

Then Mary realised there never was one, bringing fresh tears.

As a goodwill gesture, Alistair and the young maid had Mary’s kids as bridesmaids and guests included Mrs Slagg and myself.  The remaining women of the house staying tactfully away.  

Then it was back to their charming, if somewhat bijou, studio in Lord Posh’s grounds.  We sort of couldn’t fit in for drinkies, so we toasted them as Alistair carried his beautiful young virginal (but not for long) bride over the threshold.  He was eager to get to bed anyway.  

 Mary, now fully recovered and lost of an evening, did a bit of moonlighting at Lord Posh’s gaff one night a week.  

 Inevitably, once the last guest had been shown out, Mary ended up on the long dining table with the host himself.  

 “Oooh, your honour, Sir!”, Mary would giggle with delight.

“Hang it all, Mary!”, Lord Posh would command, “I told you, when no-one else is present, you can merely address me as “Sir“!”
And Mary sighed contentedly.  
Lord Posh didn’t care how many children Mary bore him.  Half of Berkshire was full of his brats born the other side of the duvet.

  She planned her next pregnancy accordingly 

On a non-Mary night, Lord Posh and I would spend many an evening together, us becoming chums of sorts.  And one night, I took him along to a gig I was doing in Weighbridge.

 My!  They were a rough crowd!

After the show, I introduced old Posh to my agent (and his twin brother)

Both of them signing him up immediately!

 They’ve started him off in small gigs, but he’s got a long way to go yet….

They told him to just be himself – like they did Me actually!

 “Oooh, I say!  Just look at that bouncer!!”

“No, I’m not gay.  I’m really 

Will Paul continue to live a lie?  Will he carry on in his sham of a marriage?  Will he ever get on “Mock The Week”?

Tune in, same time, same channel for the concluding episode Eight (of Series Two)

Don’t touch that dial!! 

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