“Oh no!!! Daphne!!!”
“Oh my Good God! Who could have done such a terrible thing?!”
Our Hero exclaims, upon discovering the body:
“We must act quickly, Marjorie! …. Ummm Marjorie..?”
“Hic!” The elegant Lady of the House replied:
Paul turned to his cherished daughter, Lavinia:
“For Gods sake, Lavinia! Phone the Police – now!!”
“Oh for fuck’s sake!”,
his young daughter yawned,
“Can’t I just Skype them?”
Eventually, Lavinia pulled her finger out and PC Dixon was round in hours:
Paul, trying not to notice the young constable’s biceps under that stiff uniform,
greeted their saviour cordially.
“‘ello, ‘ello, ‘ello. What goes on ‘ere then, sir?”, the young gun demanded.
“Well, officer, we entered the drawing room for a fag, and there was my wife’s cousin on the floor, dead as a dodo! Isn’t that right, Marjorie?”
“The bitch had it coming”, his wife of many (bitter) years slurred…
“For Gods sake, Marjorie!”, our hero spluttered, then laughed nervously:
“Of course,” Paul covers up very quickly, “The murderer must obviously be Basil (the bastard).
He felt hemmed in by Daphne, his grasping and needy lover. It was the only way out.”
“We’ll be the judge of that, Sir. Although, in fact, it’s you we want to talk to.”
Our Plastic Paul, a murderer?? Surely not??
Even if she did get on his tits something rotten?!
Tune in, same time, same channel for the next gripping instalment!!
Don’t touch that dial!!!