Hello, Poetry Lovers. So, Halloween is looming, eh?

I’ve taken the liberty of penning two poems about this certain night. The first is in the style of Pam Ayres, and the second is – er – in my style really…. Well, read on…..

h alloween, you’re such a bore!

Trick or Treater’s at my door

Out with fun-size sweets I go

Recently purchased from big Tesco

A kid with a cape and witches’ hat

Says that my offering’s not all that

Now listen here, you ungrateful snitch

All I did on Halloween was draw a witch!

I‘d have loved to have been a trick or treater

But the only thing on Halloween was Blue Peter!

And I never got a badge, I sigh

The kids bid a nervous goodbye!

They all leg it into the night,

My fun-sized treats gone from sight.

(Luckily they were on special offer!)

October 1968

Coal black night where witches fly

“Can I come with you, aye bye and bye”

Grey skies on a school afternoon

they say witches fly right to the moon

But what IS Halloween?!

Conkers lay dead on the ground

come now, you’re home safe and sound

shall I draw you a nice pumpkin pie?

Americans don’t eat them, that’s pie in the sky!

But what IS Halloween?!

Teacher shouty and brash

school dinners with corned beef hash

Friday afternoon I’ll draw her a witch

but Mrs Ross’s a bad-tempered old bitch

But what IS Halloween?!

She’ll love her favourites Maxine and Pat’s

mine will get a glance and that’s

that. I’ll take it home, hope for the best

that Mum will take the slightest interest

But what IS Halloween?!

This question actually comes from my lips

Mum says shuttup and eat your chips!

no-one cares less about stupid Halloween

witches don’t exist, this is bloody obscene

It’s actually the eve of All Saints Day

now for chrissakes go and play!

But what IS Halloween?!

Wasn’t that a hoot?! Do submit any yourselves! What fun!

Thanks for tuning in, I’ll be back for more poetry antics – same time, same channel……

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